she's waiting

Well, the truth is that I really miss my blog.  My time and energy after coming home from China in 2012 were poured into the exhausting task of Joya's adjustment, attachment, and healing (not to mention parenting five children).

Then, I found my life's passion.  I now fit in about 15 hours per week writing and advocating for China's orphans through Love Without Boundaries.

Want to help orphans?  Sponsor a baby at the Anhui Healing Home, where my hours are devoted.

You won't regret it.

Now I need to let a cat out of a bag, or spill some beans, or burst at the seams....

We've been not so public this time, but we are going back to China this summer.  We could not ignore that adoption has changed our entire family.  Our eyes have been opened to the need, the pain, the opportunity to be used by God to love so tangibly.  And we cannot ignore that we have room for one more.

The kids were the first ones to ask when we were going to adopt again.  Then my husband started asking me about it, which is very interesting seeing that I waited on him for years before we adopted the first time.  Now all the men are leading the charge.

They prayed.  He prayed.  I prayed.  We prayed.

I had this feeling in my heart that Joya needed to stay the baby of our family.  Aside from the fact that I'm turning the big 4-0 very soon, I just felt strongly that we should not adopt another baby.  My man and I both feel broken for the children that have waited for a family for too long and are overlooked because they are no longer cute little babies.

We looked at files and prayed about different older children before we even started one step of the actual adoption paper chase.  Not one worked out.  We clearly had the doors close on us and I thought once or twice that we would stay a family of seven.

Then last fall, a child we already knew about came across our paths again.  Her adoption was disrupted (meaning she was chosen but her adoption was never completed) and we were sure that she would be chosen again in no time.  Five months passed and we found out that she still didn't have a family.

We asked lots of questions and were given loads of information about her.  We communicated with people who have met her as well as people who have adopted children of similar age and situation.  We prayed that God would shut the door if she wasn't to be a Sweeney.  With each new piece of information, we could not find where the door even budged and inch.

So here we are, six months later.  We have completed all the paperwork and received a "pre-approval" from the Chinese government.  As soon as tomorrow morning, we could wake up to the official LOA (Letter of Acceptance), which means we are officially matched to her.

And then you may see her face.  But until then......

trust

After nearly five months home from China, I finally put the time into creating Joya's "Gotcha" video.  For those of you outside of the adoption world, "gotcha day" is the term used for the day families are united with their child (got-ya).

Our adoption was and is an amazing and life changing journey.  It went beyond anything I could have imagined in the realm of both JOY and PAIN.

Although we are convinced that God had His hand on Joya's adoption and that she is perfectly matched for our family, we are equally convinced that this is NOT the way life is ideally supposed to be for her.

At one of our hotels during our stay in China, we noticed another family at breakfast wearing T-shirts that had the slogan, "Adopted By Design" on the back.  It implied to us that God designed adoption as a first choice for these children.

It actually angered my husband and it gave me great pause in my thoughts.

Adoption is a second choice for orphans.  It is a second choice to staying with each orphan's birth family forever.  It is clearly the result of a broken world.

No matter who an orphan's birth family is, there is LOSS and GRIEF in adoption.

But, over the last five months, I had one adoptive mom repeatedly remind me of the BEAUTY in the process.  And after making this video, I am far enough removed to see it.

Finally.

Because, as you can see, it has not been all sunshine and roses.  The transition has been HARD.  Our love was instant when we met our daughter, however, it took TIME to build our relationship and get to know each other.

And we are not done yet.

I was fearful to let her look back on the grief she has endured this year.  Up to this point, any reminder of China has only upset her. 

But maybe we both knew in our hearts that it was time to put together the memories.  I let her watch it and she stared intently at it and then looked at me and said, "SAD Lien Lien."  (She still mostly refers to herself by her endeared Chinese nickname.)

Then she smiled.

Relief washed over us when we realized that this did not re-traumatize her.  We have been working so hard to shower her with love and consistency - trying to establish coveted trust, that we feared the memories might hit the reset button on all of that work.

Personally, I think it had the opposite effect.  I think watching the road we have traveled together has encouraged her to hold more tightly to her forever family.  She has smiled more and been more affectionate in the last few days.

For me, it has completely renewed my COMPASSION for her and allowed me to feel pain for her that I had pushed to my back-burner as I have committed myself to the very tedious, daily work of mothering five kids.

I have a renewed perspective of adoption and the MIRACLE that occurs in the process.

And I am looking forward to watching the BEAUTY grow with time.

june 19th

We are home from our post sleep study check up with Joya's ENT, who has looked at her sleep study results and cleared her for surgery on June 19th.

Apparently, she has some sleep apnea, but it is mild and triggered from her brain and not due to her physical birth defect.  I am amazed that a sheet full of confusing line graphs and number tables can tell us that, but then again, I didn't go to medical school either.

Her first surgery will be on the side of her face and her ear.  I could explain each step, but I don't have the time.  The plan is for her to have two surgeries, first her face, then her mouth - both in 2012.  We all hope that she won't have to see the inside of an operating room until elementary school, when she will have the first of several jaw surgeries over the course of her growing years.

We are celebrating today.  Although the surgery is not without risks, I am very ready to get the ball rolling so that we can live life and not be waiting to schedule our life around medical procedures.

I have stopped giving perfect strangers detailed explanations about her birth defect when they ask about (and sometimes reach out and touch) her face.  I'm sorry to say that the number of ridiculous responses and follow up questions has reached the limit of what I can politely respond to. 

I went into this all prepared and motivated to help people learn about and not fear correctable birth defects, but now she is my daughter, I love her, and I'm tired of defending her to people who clearly have no social skills when they follow up with questions about her HIV status or statements about the evils of the Chinese government that have absolutely nothing to do with my little girl.

Stepping down from my soap box now.

Overall, she is making some big steps of progress, which makes me giggle.  I no longer fear when she hugs a perfect stranger, because she immediately comes running back to me.  She can pick her brothers out of a school crowd and treats them like her brothers - with love, affection, thrill, and admiration.  She also asks for her daddy when he is at work, but seems to completely understand that he will come back.

Her sleep is not perfect, but tolerable and we can manage on the status quo.  She eats a lot of food, but is not stuffing herself until she is sick as was her tendency when we first returned home from China.  She only tolerates her car seat for short rides around town - longer than 20 minutes and she turns into Princess Whiny-pants.

Luckily, this isn't my first visit to the royal castle.

a perfect fit.

Over the weekend we accepted an invitation to socialize with a local family that we "knew of" but had never met until we went to China.  They also adopted a little girl that is just five months younger than Joya.

We had a wonderful time catching up and filling each other in on the ups and downs of our transitions at home, as well as the medical updates of our daughters.

While driving home, my man mentioned how sweet and mild mannered our friends' daughter is compared to Joya.  What was noteworthy to him was the fact that their daughter also fit the profile of the medical conditions we would have considered.

"She could have been ours instead of Joya," he said.

We both sat in silence as we pondered what a divine match our little girl is to our family.  She is naturally animated and LOUD.  I heard Sauce describing her to one of his soccer buddies today - "She's tough!" he boasted.

She is so perfectly matched to our large, active, and mostly male family.  It was yet another moment in this process when we recognized and were humbled by the fact that God knew who our daughter would be from the very beginning.  He was purposeful in placing her with us and gave us the gift of seeing it.

She was so clearly supposed to be ours that it brings tears to our eyes thinking about it unfolding any other way.

We are in the thick of navigating through the slow maze of medical diagnosis and treatment for her.  Her preliminary tests show that she definitely struggles to breathe properly at night, so her doctor postponed the surgery we had on the books in June for her face, and set us on the path of overnight hospital sleep studies (FUN!) and treating this problem first before any other.

I'm thoroughly frustrated with the fact that no medical office responds with any sense of urgency at all.  But I'm a mom on a mission to get my daughter the best treatment in the most favorable timeframe for her needs.

Definition - "squeaky wheel"

Our consistent daily routine has definitely helped her personality to blossom and our mother-daughter relationship to grow leaps and bounds.  Yesterday and today I had the opportunity to communicate with her foster family in China to let them know how great she is doing.  It felt so good to tell them how grateful we are for the advantage they gave her by being her first family.  Now that I know her more fully, I can appreciate the void that she left in their lives and I hurt for them.

They sent back a message to me of gratitude and relief that she is thriving and I made a personal commitment to send word at least twice a year for the next couple of years to try to ease their pain.

Secretly, I hope that they foster another child because they are clearly gifted at it.

the bond that heals

If you didn't hear me in my last post, let me just say again how appreciative we are for all of the support we are receiving.  So many people are pursuing us through phone calls and emails and face to face visits.

Of course, not one person can resist our daughter's cuteness.

She is magical for sure.

As she is exposed to more and more of our wonderful friends and social circles, I have found myself needing to put this post out there.

Joya has been put through a significant trauma.  She wasn't physically abused, but her emotional life was turned upside down less than three weeks ago when we took her from her foster family and her birth country and culture.

Although she greets most everyone with a "Ha-low" (hello) and has smiles and funny faces and songs that draw us all in, she is still learning who her forever family is.  If you have been reading our China posts, you know that initially she was clinging to Kenyon.  She didn't want anything to do with me for the first week.

Slowly, she tolerated me and allowed me to be the food maker, poop checker, and snot wiper.  But she still almost exclusively wanted her dad.

Now that we are home, she is not panicked when Kenyon is out of sight.  In fact, he is out of town on business for two days and she and I have made some strides.  She comes to me for her needs and accepts affection and comfort from me - she has even initiated affection toward me, which is HUGE to me.

When entering a room, 'normal' toddlers will usually hang back a bit and look to their parents for a 'read' on the situation.  They are cautious and will take cues from their parents on how they are to act in that environment, with those people.

Because she has only been with us 2.5 weeks, Joya still looks to everyone as potential caregivers.

Our main issue at this point in time is trying to help Joya to realize that we are her parents.  While we are so excited for everyone to meet her, I hope you will understand when we redirect her back to ourselves if she asks you to pick her up.  Please feel free to smile at and engage her, blow kisses and talk to her, but please resist the urge to scoop her up and squeeze her.

I know, it is tough to resist.

If she wants food, feel free to bring it to our attention, but it is really important that we be the ones to feed her or "deliver" her food to her.  It's not that we don't want to share her or that we don't want you to touch her.  It's that she needs to learn who her parents are and attach to us in a healthy way.

This takes time and we want to do it right.  We are hoping that you can all understand that we don't desire to be overprotective, but we want to prevent any long term emotional problems by doing this well.  When we see this secure attachment forming, we'll be encouraging her to have relationships with other adults as we do with our sons.

So, please come see us and enjoy our entertaining children!  We know you'll do nothing but support us and thank you in advance for honoring our request.

the good, the bad, and the just plain sad

How do we even put our Gotcha Day into words? This poor girl was loved so well that she is grieving very hard tonight. She was standing in the middle of the semi-busy room that we met her in. When we greeted her with a Mandarin "hello" she answered with an English "hello" and laughed with us when we laughed. She clapped and cheered for herself and the entire time she clutched the red photo book that we mailed to her several months ago.

Her loving foster family had already taught her that we were Mama and Baba (daddy in Mandarin) and she definitely recognized us.

The goodbye after we had signed our temporary guardianship paperwork was simply painful. The foster mother was barely holding back her tears as I was, but neither of us wanted to make it worse for Joya.

We got back to the room and our guide helped us try to calm her down with food and drink. She has cried a lot though with the exception of when we Face Timed with Kenyon's parents. She was giggly and animated and took right to "swiping" the iPad.

Then we returned right back to just plain sad. She much prefers daddy over me and I'm just happy she prefers someone. They are both finally asleep and I am typing this on my iPad which has no formatting ability at all. I'm going to upload a few pictures of our baby doll and then let my tears flow for her loss as I try to sleep.

Thank you for all the comments and support. We are reading each one.

Also, I was notified that my dear friend Ashley's mom passed away this morning from a long battle with cancer. Please pray for their family's tears as well.

cleared for travel

Time has slowed down since we arrived in Guangzhou. There are things to be done each day here (if we’re not at an appointment, we’re waiting for paperwork to be processed).

Saturday, we reported to the Travel Medical Clinic to have Joya undergo the standard medical check to make sure she does not have any communicable diseases. There are four places to get in line and process through – general physical examination, height and weight check, ENT exam, and any children over two years old must get a TB test.

There were hundreds of people waiting in this not-so-large clinic. At least 40 percent of them were adoptive families in the same boat as we are. Luckily for us, we have friends who have adopted from China three times with our agency. Before we left for China, we went out to dinner with them and they gave us marching orders for how to get through the clinic checks efficiently. It was a good thing they did, because Joya HATED it there and cried and screamed the entire time.

Luckily, my husband is brilliant and in addition to having us wait in separate lines to secure our spots and shorten our waits, he forbade me from Joya’s sight in these exam areas. He insisted that I wait in the hallway while he played “bad guy” and held her down for the exams, but lo and behold, who do you think she wanted to comfort her when it was all said and done???

Her mommy. Yup, that would be me.

I’ve included pictures at the bottom of the post that show how crowded it was. We were the first in our group to be finished and we quickly made it to the lobby of the building where she snuggled in my sling and fell asleep for the bus ride back to the hotel.

Any child over two years of age immigrating into the States needs to undergo a TB skin test before being cleared for an entry visa by the consulate. You would have thought that someone chopped off her left arm by the way she screamed through the needle prick test. Then she repeatedly pulled up her sleeve and pointed to the dot of blood with big tears falling and rambling in Mandarin. We kissed her and hugged her and told her she was all done.

But I’m sure she thought we lied to her because we had to take her back on Monday morning to have the skin test checked. All of the other children in our group had arms that showed the teeny-tiniest little dot on otherwise smooth and normal arms.

Not our Joya. Only 24 hours after the test, she had us worried when a red and raised bump remained on her arm. Our new and dear friend Carrie who is another mom in our group, and also a physician’s assistant, worked very hard not to worry me too much, but she was also a good enough friend not to lie to me either. She told me that it definitely was suspicious, but to wait another 24 hours until Monday’s clinic check.

If the skin test is positive, the child must have a chest X-ray taken to check for active TB in the lungs. If the X-ray is not clear, it equals a big delay in bringing her home. A positive skin test is a raised bump measuring ten millimeters or more.

As the rest of the kids were checked by the nurses, they zipped in and out with just a glance and a quick finger swipe on the arm. Not us, the nurse took our her pen, marked the edges of her bump (again, she acted like her arm was being chewed by a pack of wolves), and measured with a tiny little ruler.

We waited on pins and needles only to see an “8” written down and we were told she was “okay” and we could go.

I hugged that baby girl so hard and shed a few tears of my own.

She is going to LOVE all of the doctors’ appointments we have scheduled and waiting for her at home!

baba's words

I convinced my man to put some thoughts down about his experience. I didn't direct him to any specific part of this journey on purpose. I knew he would not disappoint.

Enjoy Kenyon's debut as a guest blogger and feel free to leave comments or questions :-).



Well I am not the writer in the Sweeney clan, but my dear wife has asked me to put pen to paper….er…fingers to keyboard and share a man’s perspective on our recent experiences in China.

A few disclaimers on the front end:

First, I am a man fully in love with my new daughter so emotion may be a factor in my comments.

Second, I seek evidence for every position I hold in life and “signs” do not routinely figure into my decision making process. If you all are on board with that then here we go…

When Laur and I first started down this path, one of our motives was to give a little one a home that would have few other options. I envisioned the life of a deformed little girl in China, with no vested family members, protectors, educators, or resources contrasted with the propects of this little girl living in Park City with four tough as nails brothers paving the way for her.

Casts a pretty nice picture, huh?

Well fast forward to September 28, 2011 while I am in Colorado Springs on business and Laur calls to share that we have a file of a little girl to review. Immediately my pulse quickens and my mouth goes dry. We talk about the details and Laur tells me she has “beautiful eyes” and an “assymetrical mouth.” In a matter of hours we had four medical professionals reviewing the file and have an initial diagnosis (hemifacial microsomia).

I do what any educated, well read, and data driven individual does…I “Google” it. The pictures and description are daunting and fear takes hold of my heart and the picture of the little girl with a bright new future is dimmed by my own need for a certain kind of daughter, family, image.

Well, we hem and haw, worry and obsess and then finally I begin to pray and talk with some wise friends. My dear friend Gwen challenges me on two fronts. In a way that only she can, she cuts me to the quick on the image concern and says, “That is your issue you need to deal with.” On the real decision (is this little girl our little girl?) she says, "You need to ask God for a sign.” Well I reluctantly begin to pray for clarity and even an improbable sign.

You can read these blog posts to get caught up on the details of the signs that God has put in front of us (two words: “yellow car”).

What strikes me today that I missed in September is how lovely Joya actually is. The words on the referral letter “assymetrical mouth," the pictures on worst case scenario outcomes of HFM on the National Institute of Health website, my own bias and need to have the perfect picture of an American Family, as well as my fear of dealing with the pain of a girl who doesn’t look normal all STACKED up against me and disabled me from making a decision.

I remember verbalizing this to my dear friend David and his emailed response was, “I am sure you will make the right decision, which is to grab that little girl up as fast as you can!” I realize that the depth of the relationship, intricacies in relating, and real value cannot be communicated in a referral letter, from pictures on a well-respected medical web site, or in the dark recesses of your own mind.

Truly knowing and falling in love happens in looking into her eyes as she sits on your lap, comforting her as she mourns the loss of the family she knew, laughing with her as she learns her second English word, and realizing that we may have only known her for five days, but she already is worth protecting no matter what the cost.

Please keep in mind the aforementioned disclaimers and don’t hold me to following this logic or faith in the rest of my life…but I am sure glad that God gave me the sign I needed to see to grasp hold of this little blessing.

Just my two cents- ks

goodbye fujian

It was a bittersweet day as we took our last walk in the beautiful park adjacent to our hotel. It feels sad to leave the place where Joya is from and has been all her life. A policeman came to the hotel to double check our adoption certificate and our passports so that he could hand over our daughter's Chinese passport and we could fly to Guangzhou to start our journey home.

Joya had a really good morning, but our travel through airports and a short plane ride were not fun at all. We also had a little scare when we had fast food in the airport for dinner. Her paperwork said that she was allergic to seafood, so we have, of course, completely avoided it. Well, the chicken we were eating must have been exposed to seafood offerings at the restaurant because as soon as she had a piece in her mouth (but never swallowed) her face immediately broke out in a rash.

Our guide had already checked us in and said goodbye. My Benadryl was in our checked luggage. In my head, I was urgently making a plan for a medical emergency without a translator. (Angie, if you're reading this, our experience in Mexico 15 years ago prepared me for this!). Luckily, soon after it was out of her mouth, the rash started getting better.

Crisis avoided.

She hated the travel, the airplane, and the overall change. She was so overtired when we finally got to our room that her Baba could not snuggle her out of her crying. I figured out that if I put the edge of her blanket by her mouth, she will suck it and pass out.

I feel like a dope for not doing it sooner because her foster sister mentioned something to me about her sucking on a towel at bedtime.

Slightly longer learning curve baby girl. So sorry!

I'm so tired, so even though there are many topics I want to write about, I simply can't do it tonight. So, I'm honoring the request for pictures (i need to get many more off the camera tomorrow) and hopefully I can transform bullet points in my brain into interesting reading for you over the next couple of days.

We love hearing from you all.

hearts that heal

Welcome to the three new readers here after Candis and Denise and Kathy took this spot viral on the book of face today. :-)

And for the rest of you, your emails and comments were just what I needed. I choked tears back through each one and I feel so dearly loved. I'm definitely writing a future post that compiles all of the wisdom and encouragement you gave. It would be valuable in any types of trials.

Unfortunately, I'm going to disappoint you with this short and sweet post that is more of a teaser than anything. It is 10:30 p.m. here and I'm the only one awake in our dark room. We had a very full day of shopping, eating, and a visit to the Love Without Boundaries True Children's Healing Home. Google them now and realize that adoption is not the primary way to make a difference in the life of an orphan.

I can't wait to tell you about our sweet, sweet time with a bunch of smiling babies and their dedicated caregivers.

We have been splurging the 15 RMB (about $2.50) each night to enjoy the two Heineken bottles of beer in our hotel mini bar. I wish someone restocked my fridge with beer at home as dependably as the staff does here. It has been our nice little tradition to toast making it through both the good and the hard and being one day closer to going HOME!!!

Joya had a really good day overall. She learned her first English word other than her cute "Hello!" greeting. Actually, she learned her second English word too, but you'll have to check back for those stories.

We decided over the course of this week that we love China and it doesn't fit any of the stereotypes that many Americans have about it. Well, okay, the driving is CRAZY, so that is true, but other than that one it is a wonderful country to visit and we would like to bring Joya and the boys here to experience it someday.

Tomorrow afternoon we will receive her Chinese passport and get on an evening flight to Guangzhou to start the process for her entry in the US. A week from now, we will be home as a family of seven.

And that sounds just right.

baby steps

We have had two great nights of sleep in a row – or I should say that Joya has because I am still waking up at 4:30 in the morning with nothing to do but stare at the walls or get on my iPad and read what you all have to say to me. She has been sleeping in her crib without a fuss, but I suppose it helps that she has fallen asleep on her Baba’s chest at dinner each night and not even made it into her jammies because Baba just laid her in her crib for the night.

Today was a really good day overall. I will admit that I’m feeling a bit down in the dumps about a combination of things. Joya had moments when she let me hold her or comfort her today, and overall, she is making bits of progress every day. But the afternoon was filled with wailing and grieving. We figured out that her red photo book that was such a comfort to her on her first full day with us, has become a trigger to her for remembering why she is with us and brings long periods of sobbing and crying for her Mama. We have changed how we refer to me as “Mommy” so that she doesn’t feel we are replacing her sweet Mama who did such a good job loving her.

The other thing bringing me down is the state of my boys’ behavior at home. I was hoping that they would rise to the occasion and really shine while we are gone, but that does not seem to be the case and each time we have talked to them on the computer, there is chaos, arguing, and stories of disobedience – tonight I just walked away from our conversation with them because I couldn’t do anything about what is happening at home. We all just have to suck it up and plan on recalibrating when we are home next week. I know this trip is hard on them as well, but I am just ready to have all my chicks in one nest.

This morning we had breakfast here at the hotel buffet with our new Nashville friends Jill and Scott and their new daughter Hannah. My impression is that Hannah is having an even rougher time than Joya and Jill is the one carrying the weight of the slow transition. We have been sharing our struggles over the last few days and gaining comfort from each other’s encouragement. The first time my feelings were hurt over Joya’s rejection of me was not a time when she drew close to Kenyon, but when Jill walked in our room and Joya went running to her and cried to be picked up. That was hard. She prefers a woman who is a complete stranger over me.

Jill was telling us this morning how she has rarely seen her husband cry over the course of their 16 years of marriage, and how he has been a complete rock through this tough time even when she has broken down and spilled her emotions through tears. However, this morning she heard him sobbing in the shower, and how it was such a relief to see him react emotionally to the tough task of helping Hannah accept their love.

The sweetest thing occurred when Scott added that he just couldn’t hold the tears back anymore because this interesting mix of emotions is like nothing he has ever experienced – he and Kenyon started tearing up together right there at the breakfast table. The best they could do was nod in agreement with each other while Jill and I felt our mouths hit the floor watching that unfold. It was a very sweet moment.

I sure do love my man.

Tracy picked us up at 9 and we took a taxi to a very beautiful and famous Buddhist temple. The weather was beautiful, and although we are wearing coats in the pictures, it really isn’t cold here. We spent the morning touring the temple where there are several enormous halls with Buddhist gods sculpted and put on display. The grounds of the complex were immaculate. It is in the middle of the city, yet it is quiet and peaceful and smells of incense. There are huge fish and turtles in the ponds and we all enjoyed watching them. Joya only wanted Kenyon for the majority of the time, but his back started to really hurt him, so I bribed her with snacks and got her to sit on my hip in my sling for about 30 minutes.

We left the temple and went to a local (hole in the wall) dumpling restaurant. Now, the way to eat Chinese food in China is to have a Chinese person order for you. Our lunch was DELICIOUS!!! We had two different types of dumplings and two vegetable dishes and Joya had congee. Tracy showed us how to use all the sauces and tutored Kenyon on his chopstick skills. It was definitely our favorite meal yet. Kenyon said it topped the Pizza Hut meal we had the night before :-)

Each Chinese province is famous for one thing in particular, and Fujian is known for tea. Tracy took us to a traditional tea room to enjoy a tea ceremony where we could taste different types of teas. Rich with tradition and ritual, the ceremony was wonderful. We learned how to hold the small teacup and how to sip each kind of tea uniquely. Our little parrot was so well behaved throughout the entire demonstration and when she got a sip of tea, she would make the noise that she heard us make while drinking it. She also said an unsolicited Mandarin “Thank you” to our tea hostess, which impressed us all.

After our tea tasting and purchasing, we went back to the hotel with good intentions for naptime, but it really turned into a couple hours of crying before she went to sleep.

After her nap on Baba’s chest, we went for a walk in the park with Jill and Scott and then out to dinner where Joya ate and ate and ate and then turned toward Baba and decidedly checked out into a near slumber.

I know you are all going to encourage me to hang in there and that you are praying for her to love me. Don’t worry, I know she will. I know this time is necessary to detach from her past and attach to her future, and I am prepared for that. I still adore her just like I adore my boys even though they are being knuckleheads at home right now. The messiness of it all is just an uncomfortable place to be.

Tracy told us that Joya’s foster sister has called her twice since Sunday’s hand off meeting to check whether Joya is doing okay. That level of concern and care just continues to impress us and clarifies what a treasure she was and still is to them. I can’t even imagine their pain tonight.

Here are some of our best photos from our day in no particular order because blogging on the iPad sucks.

waves

I've watched people grieve and I know it comes in waves. Today we are riding a big wave with our poor girl. She had a very full night sleep but has been dragging and sad all day. Her crying comes on very suddenly and when it does, she walks to the door and cries for Mama and says the Mandarin equivalent of, "I don't want this!"

We are sad for her and even Baba can't console her out of this. We just have to ride it until she gets it all out.

This morning we went to Panda World with Tracy, which is an underwhelming run down zoo for Pandas and a couple other types of Asian bears. Nevertheless, it was nice to get out of the hotel. We also planned our next couple of days' outings which include one of the orphan healing homes run by the organization "Love Without Boundaries," as well as touring a very famous Buddhist temple.

This is all to fill the time while we are waiting for Joya's passport to be processed in an expedited timeframe so we can fly to Guangzhou on Friday to get her US entry paperwork processed.

I forgot to mention that the orphanage director handed us keepsakes that are extremely rare for adoptive families to receive. She kept the blanket Joya was found in, the original note that her birth mother left with her, as well as the sweet little outfit she was wearing on that day. Tracy said that orphanages rarely keep clothing and blankets because of possible germs and that any notes are usually kept on file at the police station and sometimes adoptive parents may receive a photocopy. So, needless to say, we are so grateful.

We also found out who the older woman was that upset Joya so badly at the Civil Affairs office. She was the mother of the orphanage director, which sounds strange until you hear that she lives next door to Joya's foster grandmother and was in her life on a very frequent basis. Now it all makes sense. This woman was another grandmother to her. They all live in a rural town in the countryside where very few babies are abandoned, so it was a unique opportunity to care for her and why she didn't have to live in an orphanage for two years.

Again, we're so grateful.

Thanks again for all of your comments of love and support. We are reading each one several times and they make us feel connected to you even though we are so far away right now.

orphan no more

Our night was long with little “Lien Lien” as she was called by her loving foster family (pronounced like a Chinese person would say the American name “Leah”). She cried and cried and if her red photo book had inched out of reach, that would be what she wanted. We all got up and turned on the lights at about 1:30 a.m. and hung out and facebooked a bit.

We went to breakfast at the hotel and had a moment of shock when we didn’t see any American fare options. Luckily, we were mistaken because “Goat Lung Soup” did not sound like the eye opener we were looking for. Joya’s paperwork said that she liked the Chinese food “congee” (it is like a porridge) and that part was true, because when we served up a bowl of it for breakfast, she gobbled it down.

Our hotel has little water features in the lobby that have huge goldfish swimming in them and she was enthralled with the fish. After I showed her how to make fish lips, she started making them on her own when she walked up to the water. She also learned the sign for “more” today, and picked up more iPad skills. She can also blow her own nose into a tissue and wipe her face clean.

She is a genius for sure.

After breakfast, we traveled with our guide Tracy to the Civil Affairs Office to finalize our adoption. It was crowded with people speaking loudly into cell phones and was filled with cigarette smoke. We were lead into a small office where several of the officials from yesterday were shuffling our paperwork (orphanage director, civil officials, etc.). I noticed another familiar face from yesterday as well. A grandmotherly type woman who I thought was Joya’s foster grandmother was at the desk, but when she saw us walk in with her, she quickly tried to make it out of the small office without being noticed by Joya. On her way out she looked me in the eye and put her finger to her lips like a “shhhhh” motion.

Well, Joya saw her and immediately lost all control. She fought and kicked and screamed in Kenyon’s arms. She wanted to go out of the office and find that woman so badly that when Kenyon wouldn’t let her go, she slapped him in the face and spit in his general direction. She clearly had a connection to this old woman, but it turns out that we still don’t know who she was.

Tracy told us afterward that she asked if she was the grandmother yesterday, but the family had told her that she wasn’t. So we really don’t know who she was or why she was still here in the city.

That was really the turning point of our day that brought waves of emotion for Joya. She recovered for a while as we signed and stamped our promises to love, protect, educate, and care for her until she can do so for herself. She did okay as we quickly made a trip to the Walmart Super Center for diapers and miscellaneous snacks and supplies (i.e. Snickers and Pringles).

But as soon as we stepped back into the hotel room, she sobbed and cried for her Mama again. She repeats over and over the Mandarin statement, “I don’t want it.” and “I want to leave.” Thanks to our guide Tracy, we know what she means now. Kenyon is the ONLY one she wants and luckily is able to comfort her when she is upset. He started to worry today that I was feeling left out, but I am not at all offended. I am thrilled that she loves him and finds comfort in him. If I had raised a child for two years and then sent her off to someone else, I would hope she would pitch a fit and not replace me within 36 hours.

Joya fell asleep chest to chest snuggled up with her “Baba” for a 2.5 hour nap. When he tried to move her next to him after she was asleep, she sat up and crawled right back into position on top of him to finish her nap. It is totally precious, but a lot of work for my man, which I wish I could help him with.

Luckily, he is sold out for her.

After naptime, we put her in her Chicago Bears sweatshirt and went walking along the lakeside path across from our hotel. This city of six million people (think the size of NYC) is peaceful and very safe. We were stared at by anyone and everyone who passed us and some even stopped to talk to us or interact with our cute-as-pie daughter.

One man stopped us and pointed to her and said, “China girl?” We nodded and said, “Yes,” (well, Kenyon answered him, “Si” but then nearly fell over in embarrassment for answering in Spanish instead of Mandarin or even English). Joya was walking next to us on the sidewalk and this man took her hand and started to walk with her. After only a couple of steps, she let go and ran to Kenyon. She buried her face in his legs and said, “Baba” over and over again.

She is sold out for him too and we both melted in that moment.

There is another couple staying in the hotel room next to us who are adopting their two year old daughter through another agency. Since we have four more days here waiting for our daughters passports, we became fast friends. Tonight we all walked about two miles to partake of McDonald’s cheeseburgers and French fries….

Joya loved them, by the way. Welcome to America sweet girl.

She passed out in her daddy’s arms on the walk home and we didn’t bathe her or even change her before we laid her down in her crib, hopefully for the night.

I have said several times today, that I went into this trip expecting it to be hard. I expected it to feel like she and I had a long road of relationship building to do before I really felt like she was ours. I said that if it was anything less, I would just be pleasantly surprised.

I am VERY pleasantly surprised.

This girl was meant to be ours. I look at all the other Chinese babies around us in the park, and I can’t imagine having anyone else but her in our (well, Kenyon’s) arms. She is FULL of personality, smart, independent , and genuine (which anyone who knows me, knows that last one is huge for me). I don’t feel like we’re babysitting or like she is an intruder.

I feel like she fits. And we love her already. Enjoy the pictures.