my loves

There is some sweetness to this season of life that I don't ever want to forget.  Daily I am exhausted by the effort it takes to do my job well.  I realize that my kids have no idea how much effort it takes each day to pour into them all that I do (and I feel I am always lacking), but I don't want the days to flee so quickly that I forget the treasures that pass through my moments each day.

Last day of 6th, 4th, 2nd, and Kindergarten 2013

1. My eldest son, at twelve years old and going into seventh grade, will often stop in front of me mid-morning (arms stretched wide) and say, "I don't think I got a hug today!"  No matter what pre-teen hormonal episode we might have been through already, how could I NOT hug that kid?  Priceless, and I will surely return the sentiment when he stops initiating on his own.

   

   A huggable kid for sure.

   

   My big kids have been helpful this summer.

2. My #2 son, who particularly has a gift with younger children, will jump right in when I'm overwhelmed with baby sister's moments of panic, fear, or emotional outburst.  He is quick to engage her and divert her attention from whatever she is consumed with at that crisis moment. Today I was with them at the library and I really didn't think I would make it out WITH books but WITHOUT a meltdown from her sudden, unexplainable panic.  He jumped in by grabbing a book that she chose and said, "Come over here and Sauce-Sauce will read you this book."  She willingly followed and my heart was warmed by his awareness and generosity to share our burden for her.  I'm sure he will be using this gift his entire life for great purposes.
   
   

   

   Sauce saving the day.
   

   
   

   

   Always sharing and caring for her.

3. My rockstar #3 son, at eight and one half years old is our resident peacemaker.  He is me in male-form.  His radar immediately picks up on pain or discord.  He is a prayer warrior for any loved one in need.  He also has his dad's knack for neatness.  He regularly leads the charge and picks up slack in the cleaning and organizing department in this messy family of seven.  Feel like snuggling?  Need a hug and a kiss and a pep talk? This is your guy.
   

   

   Creative, sweet and organized.

   
   

   

   The snuggler.

4. Oh, this six year old.  How can he be six????  I'm aching just from the memory of my LAST wonderful childbirth.  He entered into our world wonderfully and has marked each day since with pure delight.  His smiles just light up the room and his humor and "go with the flow" attitude is very much under-appreciated.  How impressively he has taken on being a big brother to an "instant" two year old - never getting to experience the days of overlooking a baby sitting in a bouncy seat.  "I love you more mom!" is one of his regular expressions and he won't believe me that it is really I who love him the very most.

   

   Birthday boy on his sixth birthday.

   

   A smile that lights up a room.

5. This girl..... at three and a half years old, has felt and wrestled with more than most of us do in our first decades.  I am constantly impressed with her fire inside - although it causes her "fight, flight, or freeze" response to so many situations that we consider ordinary, she continues to learn and adapt, little by little.  We adapt as well.  How much more I now see into her soul when she makes "the face," indicating that she is not sure how this moment will play out in her life story.  I have learned to draw her close, to teach and not reprimand, and to always lean on grace, because I did not witness her first 26 months of life, therefore, I must rebuild carefully.  She cracks us up with her expressions, "owadare" (underwear), "I tumin' mom! (I am coming mom!), "I wike-a da fwim fwim" (I like to swim), and of course "Lellow tar!  I on Mom's team!" (Yellow car! ...).  She is a tough cookie with a big heart that is grafting into our family more each day - and we all adore her through thick and thin.  She has changed our family for the better in a way that was impossible without her.

   

   She loves to be close to mama.

   

   She excels at any sport she tries.

6. My man... this man of mine.  I could say so much but will only say that we have come through a season that was painful, difficult, and messy.  He has purposefully risen above the mess, sorted out the details, and led us out to the other side with wisdom and gentleness.  He always strives to be a better spouse, parent, and Christ follower and inspires me to do the same.  I could not imagine this adventure without him.  He is my rock and I'm grateful for him.

   

   Grateful.

focus on the good, not the sucky

It is 9:09 p.m.  I have five kids upstairs in bed and asleep.  The kitchen is minimally cleaned up, but I still have to make three of the four lunches for school tomorrow because Sauce decided to make his own tonight (he also put away his clean laundry without being asked - who is that kid???).

It feels like 11:45 p.m.

I ran into a friend at the park today (on account of the rare warm spell) who joked with me that she is stalking my blog for an update.

There is such a mixed bag of what goes on each day, and it is against my nature not to share both.  So, I'll start with the sucky, and because we are all focusing on the good, I will end with that.

Thanks for sticking with me.

Sucky:

• I had to get out of bed ten times last night.  Maybe more.  She wakes up scared to death - anywhere between two and ten times each night.
• Sleep apnea might be contributing to her night troubles and we're investigating that medically.
• I had to work hard to muster a smile for anyone this morning and there was more than one tear.
• Squirt's adjustment has manifested in fear of bad guys and often being sad when I drop him off at school.
• I am ready to fire the housekeeper.  Wait, I don't have one.  I cannot keep my house clean for the life of me - even to my sadly low standards.
• My new state of family-cocoon works to prevent me from seeing friends socially.  I saw a couple of preschool parents by chance at the park this morning as I was trying to exhaust my daughter enough to submit to a long(er) nap (failed by the way).  I realized that this has to be the new normal for now.
• I don't answer a lot of phone calls or initiate them either.
• For now, I can't handle more than finding my balance in my new normal.

Good:

• Our boys ADORE their sister.  They have been the loft to my balloon when I'm discouraged.  Even when she is rotten to them, they are nothing but devoted to her.
• She goes to bed without protest and has adapted to a bedtime routine beautifully.
• We are still getting meals from loving friends (we've been home since 3/29).  I have already announced to all dependent parties that I have forgotten how to cook.
• Every day I take tags off of new items of clothing for Joya.  And I haven't purchased a thing on my own dime.
• She lets me put "pretties" in her hair and we admire my work together.
• Through our pre-bedtime rocking chair time, she has learned where her nose, ears, eyes, hair, mouth, and fingers are.  We work on more each night.
• She understands everything we say in English.  I'm sure she's going to start spouting out sentences when we least expect it.
• Normally not ticklish or physically playful, today I got some full blown belly laughs when I gobbled on her armpits during a diaper change.  And she wanted more.  Smile.
• Despite my Beloved's busy travel schedule, I have been able to keep up with the Taxi-Mom demands of the boys' schedules.
• I take great joy in my boys' enjoying their interests.  We have spring soccer going on and The Hunter and my man both read The H^nger Game$ series together (I read them last year).  I know there is controversy surrounding exposing kids to this series, but for this boy it was a great opportunity to connect and talk about big life topics and I'm glad we encouraged him.
• I have great adoptive moms in my life who only need a one-sentence text from me before they call to encourage me through the tough stuff.  No offense, but now I know you have to go through it to understand.
• Last weekend I was able to go to Denver to the "Empowered to Connect" conference based on the book "The Connected Child" and the work of Dr. Karyn Purvis, PhD. and Director of the TCU Institute of Child Development.  I learned more about investing in my home-grown kids than I ever imagined and came home encouraged and ready to start fresh.  Plus I slept without interruption for TWO nights while I was away.
• My neighbor brought me a beautiful potted orchid yesterday and wasn't offended in the least when I had to cut our visit short to put my tired girl down for her too-short nap.
• One of my very best friends here knows I'm sleep deprived and struggling to ride the waves of this new journey.  Each morning she texts me an encouragement from scripture and asks how she can pray for me and if she can help me by doing a grocery run or other tangible task.  Did I mention that she has six kids of her own???  I am one lucky lady.
• I could go on with the good, but I will end with the fact that this "trial" which is really such joy mixed with adjustment, has enriched my marriage to a wonderful new level.  My Beloved has been transformed by the emotion/struggle/joy/fullness of our experience.  He is more tender and passionate about all of us.  He is quick to find humor as well as flexible to our unpredictable needs despite the demands on him to provide financially for this family of seven.  Next month we will celebrate 15 years of marriage.  He is the rock that keeps us all centered and I simply adore him.

bullets

• We inherited an outdoor cat to solve our mouse problems from some friends who moved away.  Our outdoor cat has suddenly become an indoor-sleep-on-Rufus's-bed-22-hours-of-the-day-until-I-put-her-out cat.  My husband likes We like her though. 
• I've decided that my favorite daytime listening Pandora station is "70's easy listening" - there is rarely a song I don't love.  I know, I should work in a doctor's office.
• I'm seeing my sweet Squirt blossom at four and a half years old.  I agonized over the thought of him going to Kindergarten this fall, but now I think he's really ready.
• Two weeks ago a dear friend and I set up a "let's meet for dinner come hell or high water" night.  That night was last night.  It was blissful.  We ate lots of food including fried green tomatoes.  We talked and talked and laughed until the restaurant closed and then we walked to my car, I drove her to her car, and we talked for another 30+ minutes.  I left with a smile on my face.  It was a treat.
• Fifth grade homework sucks.  I hate that projects become MY work and I wind up caring more about his responsibilities than he does.  Then again, I thought that midnight feedings sucked until I was on my third and fourth child and then they were easy.  So maybe fifth grade will be like that.  Or maybe not.
• I hate the school science fair.  Please refer to my previous bullet.
• My kids are so hungry when they come home from school.  Today I have dinner prepared for them at 3:30 so we can eat for real and then a snack later.  I'll report back with how that works.
• One of my older children still wets the bed at night and I've gotten my hands on a "potty pager" to try to train the stubborn child out of the habit.  Last night was the dry run, except it wasn't dry, it was wet, more than once, and he hates wearing it.  I hate pee, so there.
• The first part of January was spent painting Mrs. Nesbit's room, and since we've lived in this house six and a half years and I've been looking at dingy not-so-white walls and ugly light fixtures in my bedroom, I just decided to push on through and paint that room too (which happens to be a rather large bedroom).  Ceiling, trim, walls, outlets, light switches, and light fixtures are all new now.  I was an aching, messy, paint covered, non-showering woman on a mission for an entire week, but it is done and I love it!  Now we are drooling over the thought of new carpet, and I hate to drool.
• Because I know you're wondering, our adoption paperwork is in the final stages and we look on track to leave for China on March 14th.  My waves of anxiety have started regarding our/her transition and I'm clinging to the proven fact that God works good through the hard stuff in life.  Not that I wish it to be hard, but I want more of God for sure, so pretty much I can't lose, right?
• The ski season has been a total BUST so far and I am actually praying for several big, powdery snow storms to crush our little town so that I can frolic on the slopes sufficiently before I bring a precious two year-old home from China.  Have you ever known me to pray for snow?  It's bad, people.

don't make me come up there!

My man and I were fumbling with an attempt at hooking up a television antenna on our roof(something we're absolutely not qualified to do) between dinner and bedtime last night.

Mistake number one.

At first, the boys were just playing in the yard, screaming and laughing and having a sword fight with the weapons they were awarded as party favors at a birthday party earlier in the day.  Cut a pool noodle in thirds, stick a two-foot PVC pipe in the end, and ta-da, you have hours of entertainment for boys.

It started to get dark outside and we hollered to the troops to get PJ's on and brush teeth (as we were balancing a large television on the edge of a mantle, while managing marital harmony over a wire that was too short to reach where it needed to go).

I'm sure you can imagine that we were not able to actually follow through and reinforce our instructions until we finished the project-that-we-should-not-have-started-until-AFTER-the-kids-were-in-bed.

As instructed, the little angels trotted up the stairs and did exactly as they were instructed to do.

N.O.T.

We heard squealing, yelling, running, stomping, thwacking, giggling, whining, thumping, hollering, and screaming.

My beloved and I returned fire with threats of what would happen when we got up there if they didn't knock it off and do what we told them to.

Suddenly we heard the ruckus silence and drawers opening and closing and water running.

N.O.T.

This is why threatening does not work with parenting.  We were stuck to the problem television and they knew it.  They called our bluff and continued on with the wild rumpus.

We finally man-handled the wires and finished our project.  I headed immediately upstairs to man-handle my children, but was met with this:

To which I busted out laughing and went and got their dad. 

And the camera.

I don't even know what to say about the snake skin tucked into The Hunter's pajama pants.  There are no words, so I will just stop here.

shiver me timbers!

it's five o'clock somewhere

Shall I say "Part One?"

Welcome to my periodic series recognizing the end of a long day - or possibly even several trying days in a row - with a rant and a glass of wine (well deserved, in my opinion).

Our household has been passing around yucky-fever-cough-snot-congestion-can't-sleep-staying-home-from-school-whiny-fussy-watery-eyed-only-want-mommy-illness for the past week.

Our little Squirt definitely had it the worst with fevers nearing 104 degrees and lots of crying for a boy who normally does a lot of smiling.

A trip (with four kids in tow) to the pediatrician won him the prize diagnosis of an ear infection and a trip through the drive-thru... pharmacy.

During our prayer time this morning, Sauce prayed that Daddy would be sure to use lots of hand sanitizer on his trip - I'd say we're all sick of being sick if we're going to the Lord about hand sanitizer.

Our neighborhood is having some sort of water issue (picture brown tinged water coming out of the faucet) and we can't use our water to drink or cook with.  Another errand was needed to the fire station where a nice firefighter loaded up my trunk with gallons of tax payer funded free drinking water.  Two days of this and it still isn't resolved.

Call me a spoiled American, but if I have running water in my house, I would like to actually, ahem, use it.

There are some more little punks at school giving my eldest a hard time and I'm growing weary of guiding him to rise above their crap antics.  I'm about ready to tell him to unleash his recently acquired cuss words karate training on them to silence them - no matter the consequences from the principal.

My beloved is on the east coast receiving some specialized training for his job, but I sure could have used him here today to kick some butt when my two middle muddles, Sauce and Rufus, couldn't get along for the life of them (for no particular reason at all, I might add).

In an attempt to "aid" their reconciliation, they spent quite a bit of time holding hands.  Then they graduated to sitting cheek-to-cheek when they still couldn't find love for each other.  Sauce was still having a hard time cooling down his hot temper, so I'm sorry to say that he was shoved out on the front porch (high temperature of 29 degrees today) and his fed up mother someone promptly locked the doors behind him.

He heard the muffled instructions to, "Calm the heck down!" through the door.  After about five minutes of teeth chattering, he came in to reluctantly make peace with his younger brother.

I thought I was feeling better, but tonight I can't take a breath without an over exaggerated coughing fit.

But since my beloved won't return until late tomorrow night, I'm heading upstairs to curl up with my body pillow that fills his vacant spot - and a healthy shot of Nyquil.

a new normal

A really good new normal.

We are in full school mode and it has been great all around.  I get up well before the kids each morning, but usually by the time I'm getting out of the shower and throwing on some clothes, they are either getting dressed or wandering downstairs to the living room for our Bible time.

Consistent.

Everything has consistency to it right now and I love that!

From our 6:45 Bible time to our friendly bus driver Joe pulling up to our street corner at 7:45, we are falling into a new rhythm.  The boys know what is expected of them, as do I, which makes us all happy.

And there are no complaints.

Although we're still in September and not January, everyone is excited for school and is much more eager to tackle tasks like, say, READING and WRITING, without whining and complaining.

No teeth pulling required.

The trade offs have been that our afternoons are not as relaxed.  I pretty much have to schedule time for the boys to chill and play before homework, soccer, dinner, and bedtime.

When I last blogged, Rufus and Squirt had yet to start their school year.  Rufus took on Kindergarten with gusto and hops on the bus each morning like he's done it every day of his life.

He did happen to start Kindergarten with a shiner though.  If he only would have listened to me about not running and jumping in a shoe store, he never would have taken a face plant into an ottoman... poor thing.

Smiling with Joe, our happy bus driver who gives us the added benefit of returning to us all the stuff our kids forget on the bus.

That very same day, Squirt went and became a big boy and started preschool.

 

Not even a, "Bye mom!  I'll miss you!  Can't you stay with me because I'm your baby?  Here, I'll shed a tear or two to make you feel better."  Nope, plopped on the rug and loved every minute of it.

Lots of people asked me what I was going to do with my very first morning with no kids at home.  I told them what I told my Beloved.

I'm getting a 60 minute massage for time served.

Then I went and ate lots of bon bons.  Because that's all I do now.

yellow school bus day

During the last couple of years I could be often heard saying, "It's a yellow school bus day!"  That meant that home schooling was particularly challenging that day.

Today was the real deal.  My fourth grader The Hunter and my second grader Sauce started school today.   And all the anticipation we've been feeling for weeks and months ended.

We had a great morning.  Mom woke up before everyone else due purely to nerves so I could get showered and ready first.  We woke up the boys at 6:45 and they hopped right up and got dressed in the clothes they excitedly laid out last night.

We then huddled up with blankets in our chilly living room for our family Bible time.  We took this recommendation from the book "Going Public" by David and Kelli Pritchard.  We've been reading together on and off all summer, but plan to do this every morning before school from here on out.  Five Psalms and one chapter of Proverbs each morning.

It's so fun to hear the examples that the boys apply to God's word.  There is truth at every maturity level.

Then they all hopped up to the breakfast bar and devoured some cereal.  I ushered them upstairs to get hair combed and teeth brushed.  We took the lunches that I made last night out of the refrigerator and put them in their backpacks and headed off for the bus.

A couple of neighbors were gathered at the end of our street waiting for our bus driver Joe.

Unfortunately, Squirt is three-going-on-seven and thought he was going with his brothers on the cool school bus.

Not so, youngling.

I didn't want to cry in front of the neighbors need to cry with all the tears that Squirt was spilling.  But I caught my Beloved choked up as the bus doors closed.

can he really be three?

I've been hearing from more than one parent relative friend reader that I have been missed during my hiatus.  Unfortunately, my blog brings me no income, so it is not (yet?) a job for me.

Parenting my four boys, however, is my full time job and with our busy summer schedule of camps, swimming, playing, vacation, and some more playing, I simply released blogging from my list of priorities.  I really wanted my boys to enjoy their summer before they start public school this fall.

It felt good.  But I'm glad a few of you missed me.

I must rewind and commemorate our little Squirt's third birthday in late June.  Our favorite Aunt Louie came out for a nice long visit to celebrate and enjoy Park City in the summer.

Being the cheapskate that I am, I've never really put on big productions for any of my kids' birthday parties.  But this is likely my LAST chance to celebrate a three year old in our home, so.....

This year, via a raffle, I wound up with a gift certificate for use of our town's indoor field house.  A perfect place for lots of little ones to run around.  For a small fee, I added some bounce houses to the mix and proceeded to invite everyone who I thought I might be able to convince to come.

Squirt had been talking about an "Elmo Berday" for months, so Elmo was our theme.  Dorothy and Mr. Noodle even came along to decorate his cake.

We wound up with nearly 50 people.  We had a blast.

See for yourself.

The birthday boy.

Jenny, Deb, and Jessalyn with little Cordelia.

Christa, me, and Jenny

There were so many kids, it was impossible to get a picture of all of them.  Here's a handful:  Sawyer, Parker, Squirt, and Silas.

Sweet Maggie playing with Squirt.

The Hunter with his friend Ellie.  These two have been the best of friends since before they could walk.  Now they are starting FOURTH GRADE!!!!

A long line of cake eaters.

Gentry and Sawyer.  Little sister, big brother.

This was the point when Aunt Louie said, "Maybe I could just move out here and you could convince all your friends to keep having babies."

To which my friends all shouted, "Okay!  Yes!  Please do that!  How soon can you make that happen?"

Singing Happy Birthday to my little man.  This picture speaks volumes to me.  I tear up whenever I look at it because I can see how my heart felt.

Make a wish!

Yum!

These were the three women who helped me labor and birth this big boy.  Erin, Ashley, and Jenny.

Because we had such a large party, I had to carefully plan the subject of gift giving.  Squirt really did not need one more solitary toy, not to mention the stress and selfishness that comes out when a three year old opens gifts.

I also wanted to acknowledge in a tangible way our gratefulness for our healthy family, for living always in plenty, for never wondering if my boys were going to get enough to eat each day, and for so much more.

I made the request on the invitation to please not bring a gift for Squirt.  Instead, I gave the option to our guests to contribute to Compassion's Child Survival Program that my friend from college Julie and her husband have started.

We decided that we would match the funding that we received at the party and I am pleased to say that we will be donating a total of $170 toward these moms and babies in great need.

It was a wonderful way to top off our celebration.

wordless wednesday