motherhood defined

Mother's Day is coming up and We Are THAT Family is hosting a contest to define motherhood in picture form.

I remember the first touch.  I pulled my baby out from my own body.  My face is not even in the picture, but when I look at this, I see nothing else but my hands pulling him out.

I remember consciously feeling his lower half still inside me, and purposefully reaching down to bring him out into the world.

I remember his hot little body and his short cry of protest until I cuddled him on my chest and announced to the room that we had a precious boy.  I kissed his wet little forehead and held him close.

Although I believe you are a mother from the moment a life is conceived, this moment is becoming a mother.

He couldn't be put back and my life was forever changed.

For the better.

my job security

Nine years ago today I accepted the hardest, yet most rewarding job I have ever done.

I frequently remind The Hunter that he is the boy who made me a mom.  In our rare quiet moments alone together, he likes to hear the story about how I wanted to be a mother my entire life and he was the baby who made my dreams come true.

Last night I took some time to remember the details of his birth and was grateful that my man was home to fill in the gaps in my memory.

My labor started 12 days earlier than expected while we were at a game night with some friends.  I remember telling everyone around me to stop making me laugh because I was having a contraction.

They were consistently about 15 minutes apart throughout the evening, and the novice I was, I didn't even think about the consequences of eating pizza and Doritos all evening and the unpleasant experience of them coming back up.

As soon as we got in the car around 11 p.m., the contractions immediately kicked in strong and hard and were consistently five minutes apart.  We went home, I laid down for a bit and we called my doula to tell her about my labor.

I remember, despite my comprehensive book knowledge about labor, I was shocked and scared when my water broke at around 3 a.m.  I started to cry and shake, but my brave and supportive husband assured me that the fluid was clear, so we had nothing to worry about.

Our doula encouraged us to start for the hospital and she followed us in her own car.  She told us later that she feared a "side of the road" birth because things were progressing so quickly.

Nevertheless, I made it to the hospital, where I was clearly in transition and my pizza and Dorito binge came back to bite me.  My friend Tracy came to video the birth for us, because my philosophy is that if I have to go through it, I want to be able to see what I went through.

That darn doctor was delayed by about 30-45 minutes and I had to hold off pushing for that entire time.  Have you ever tried NOT to push?  It's like trying not to blink or breathe.  Your body just does it!

After 20 minutes of pushing, at 6:02 a.m. our son was laying in my arms.  We didn't know if we were having a boy or a girl, so it was the best present ever opened.

The Hunter was such a good baby.  He slept when he was supposed to sleep, ate when he was supposed to eat, and was an all around, happy boy.

His first word was "truck," and by two years old, he could recite the technical name for every construction vehicle in the industry, i.e., "articulated dump truck," or "telehandler."

In line with being first born, he is fiercely independent.  He also gives his dad a run for his money because he is a first rate salesman when he wants someone everyone to follow his plans and ideas.

He was particularly easy to teach to read, and he loves social studies.  Star Wars is his favorite topic of conversation and play right now.

He is also quite forgiving.  I had a horrible mothering day yesterday and when I put him to bed, we were talking about his birthday and he reminded me that he made me a mom.  I replied that I wasn't a very good mom that day and I felt badly about it.

"Yes you were Mom.  You're always a good mom.  You just did some of this (insert grumpy face)."

How could I argue with that?

Happy Birthday buddy.  You make us proud and we love you dearly.

Thanks for making me a mom.

someone stole my baby

That's what I keep saying around here.

My little Squirt decided that he was a big enough boy to wear underwear back in September.  Easier than any of my first three little men.

Done.

Just.Like.That.

He really hasn't had an accident for months, which is more than I can say for two of his older brothers.  Not even the traditional wet "dribble" circle, as most moms of boys know well.

I've been clinging to the fact that he loves his crib and binky (gasp!) and spends HOURS just trapped hanging out happily in his crib because that is the only place that he was allowed to have the bless-ed binky.

But then he gave up his crib one day.  Just out of the blue he asked to sleep in one of the bunk beds and when I didn't offer his binky, he just went to sleep happily.

And he has only asked for it one time in over a month.

Binky is gone.  Done.

Boo.  I wasn't ready for that at all.  It was not in my control or my time line and it threw me for an emotional loop.

Because then I had no excuse not to take down his crib.

And there isn't another baby coming to fill the crib, so the crib is soon to be sold online.

Along with the changing table, mobile, and other miscellaneous baby items that I have no excuse not to get rid of.

I have commented several times to women close to me that I know there are women out there who can't wait to get out of the baby stage.  They can't wait to say that they are done being pregnant, nursing and changing diapers.

I have heard them say how happy they are to have all their kids out of cribs and in school.

I'm just not one of those women.

Motherhood was something that I looked forward to all my life.  When it finally happened to me, it was a sweet season.  I had great pregnancies, great births, and I just love the baby stage.

So, I am not going to be afraid of what God has waiting in the next sweet stage for me and this awesome family He has given me.

But I will also step tenderly, and a little reluctantly, away from the baby stage - one day at a time.

sweeeeet carOline . . da. . da. . da. .

I'll just get this confession out of the way right now:

I am a birth junkie.

I love the experience of birth - whether I am giving birth, participating by giving labor support or merely an observer through a television set (Baby Story anyone?) - I am fascinated by what a miracle it is.

Last night hubby and I had the opportunity to remember what an actual date was with tickets to see an awesome ballet.  We've had the tickets for six weeks, and the sitter booked for a month.  We were going out with a group of friends and we were looking forward to it.

BUT, my dear friend Erin has been pregnant for much longer than all of that.  And for her last three births, my friend Ashley and I have had the honor to let her husband take a nap support her in labor and witness the births of her babies.

I knew she had been having intermittent contractions all day and I got the "she's ready for you" call from her husband Dave at about 4:45 in the afternoon.

So, hubby went with our friends to the ballet, and I went to Erin's side.

Did I mention that she was planning a home birth?  Oh, and a water birth.

 Although it was a rough five hours of hard labor for Erin, I loved being by her side.  I rubbed shoulders, I rubbed feet, put pressure on her back and knees and when it was time to push, I supported one of her legs.

Slightly before 10 p.m. last night, after a whole four minutes of pushing, we welcomed sweet little Caroline into the world.

After both Erin's hubby Dave and her mom Marilyn were offered the honor of cutting the cord and declined, Ashley and I fought to the death were honored to share the scissors and cut little Caroline free from her cord.  That was a first for me!

What a miracle!