you would think that by now i would have it all figured out

But I don't.

I took notes on my Blackberry yesterday because I had one ridiculous chaotic incident after another.

Let me start by saying that this house is big on discipline. In fact, my side of the family often refers to our home as "boot camp" and my nieces often get threatened with having to come here for a period of time, "to straighten things out."

Hmmm. I don't know if that is a compliment or not.

Let me just explain myself here. In our defense, discipline is a necessary priority or CHAOS WOULD REIGN!!!

I am going to give you a glimpse of my afternoon yesterday. One afternoon people, not even a full day.

Keep that in mind.

And be warned.

Our morning of school was pretty uneventful, in fact, it went a little smoother than normal because we had a birthday party to look forward to in the afternoon.

And the party involved "scales and tails." Enough said.

To start off the excitement, I sent my men ahead of me to load themselves into the van, only to find an intense argument over a pen and a pad of paper between my two eldest.

It quickly resolved when I offered to just forget the entire outing.

Of course, I had not been out of the house since the invite arrived was not prepared for the party and needed to stop at a toy store to get a present for our sweet little friend.

As we walked into the toy store, the boys instantly gravitated to the costume display and picked out the $30+ costumes that they want for Halloween.

Oh perfect. Let me just load those in the cart for you.

As soon as I tore them away, Rufus went r.u.n.n.i.n.g. down the main isle literally screaming the list of what his brothers should come and look at.

Note to self, we need to work on self control.

Because I couldn't string him up by his toenails I didn't want to continue on this path, I corralled the troops for another set of threats a behavior pow-wow.

Fast forward - we've picked our present and were at the cashier. Mostly, the boys stayed nearby, but as I'm pushing the cart toward the door, I notice Sauce one little man was chewing on something.

After a short deposition, I find out that he FOUND a Skittle on another cashier counter.

And despite the flu season descending down on the human race, he decided to eat it.

Oh yummy.

Next, we drove the 20+ minutes while I hollered from the driver's seat asked the boys to please stop farting the ABC's with their armpits.

And dear Lord, please don't do it at the birthday party.

There was a smack from a hand to an eye and plenty of crying and blaming and not taking responsibility for a bad choice.

Then there was the pleasant discovery that Rufus decided to spend his free time in the van by tearing up paper into miniscule, itty bitty pieces which he did NOT feel the need to confine to a neat pile.

My beloved wonders why my van is such a mess all the time. Hmmmm.

The party was a great time. I think the fact that there was a hired entertainer to show the children snakes, spiders, lizards, and turtles kept my children from thinking they needed to provide the potty talk.

Nothing's cooler than reptiles pooping on themselves.

We dashed through the drive thru for a quick dinner and then went straight to basketball practice for The Hunter and Sauce.

Where I then had to take Rufus and Squirt to the bathroom about 624 times (did I mention I finished potty training?). One trip involved a man-sized poop so big that the industrial strength toilet couldn't flush it down the first time.

I know, TMI. But seriously?

We topped that off by going home for a reunion with Daddy, jammies, stories, and bedtime.

And later checked up on the ruckus coming from from the big boys' bedroom.

Only to find that there was a farting contest going on - and not with the armpits. We promptly opened a window for fear of a random spark and explosion.

So, see. Imagine if we felt discipline was optional.